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And this... (imagine a tour guide gesturing dramatically to the room behind the velvet rope) ... is the infamous torture chamber in Kasa Kaftan. No flash photography, please. Souvenirs are available at the gift shop at the end of the tour.
Victims have been bludgeoned in the back of the head by a mysterious and evilly-placed bicycle handlebar while unloading the washer on the left. One victim, who chose to remain anonymous, claims she has a semi-permanent technicolor bruise on the base of her skull. Each week she adds a new layer of color to this bruise, thus rendering her eligible for a clandestine study on unneccessary domestic abuse by some white-coats over at the NIH. The victim also tells of being forced to suffer aforementioned bashing in front of an audience; the ignorant (and shorter) bike-riding audience then heckles her with comments about perceived stupidity and klutziness. The anonymous victim is also on a long waiting list for psychiatric services as a result of said heckling.
Moving over to the right, notice the location of the dryer door, when open, relative to the edge of what certain occupants of Kasa Kaftan call a "workbench." Victims of this torture chamber also suffer whacking here of a most horrific kind: simultaneous knee-jabs and back-pokes. The instigators of this kind of abuse have yet to be found, despite an ongoing investigation.
Last, but certainly not least: the insidious clothes-snatching gap between the far-right wall and the dryer. Items such as freshly laundered and folded blankets or sheets on top of the dryer will inexplicably begin a slow slide toward the gap, no matter how far over to the left they've been carefully placed. This slide begins at an imperceptible speed, accelerating to the speed of light only once a victim has spotted the miniscule motion. The victim, who has undoubtedly experienced this more than once, is unable to resist the inbred compulsion to go blanket-chasing. This is most unfortunate, since her dash to make a futile grab results in a heavy steel-tempered wallop to the chin by the edge of the dryer. In addition, mysterious forces have conspired to position this wallop squarely at the painful apex of an emerging Mount Zit on victim's chin. This victim, I must remind you, has chosen to remain anonymous. Whoever you think it is, it isn't. Okay?
Okay.
Now, moving on. Next stop, the Hall of Cobwebbed Mysteries.
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| | Posted 1/15/2008 9:34 AM - 262 Views - 16 eProps - 10 comments
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