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QueenAlpo
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Name: Allison
Interests: Broadway musicals, Shakespeare, Redskins, Yankees, Cooking, Playing with my daughter and one-upping my hubby
Expertise: - Procrastination
- Indecision
- Writing... or not.
- Falling asleep.
Occupation: Grad Student/English Teacher
Industry: Edukashun
Message: message meEmail: email me
Member Since:
6/22/2004
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|  Yo, Houston Xangans...
been sitting around patiently, sending positive thoughts and waiting to hear, but I can't stand it.
me dying for an update. Are you okay?
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| You people are foo-foo.
I especially like your attempts at psychoanalysis:
- Jasindia: "...this is QueenAlpo's strategy to cause us pain slowly..."
- SmilinSoul: "...you must secretly LOVE this fan club. c'mon..."
- Cariocgl: "I have no doubt that she'll pop up elsewhere but not before forcing us
to go through a Promises-worthy withdrawal. You're a mean one, Ms.
Grinch."
...and your desperate pleas:
- llputney: "...i dont know what i would ever do without your stories!!!"
- Staying_In_Touch: "I'm gonna show up at your door with protesters and shirts that say "QUEENALPO CAN'T QUIT... "
- llputney again: "please don't drop off the face of the earth...you're our drug, we need your words of wisdom, somehow and somewhere..."
- soazul: "***SCREAMS AT THE TOP OF MY SEMI-COLLAPSED LUNGS*** PLEASE DON'T QUITTTT!!!!!!!"
- llputney again (snickers): ""NOOOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOOooooOOOO!!!!!!!"
...and your detective sleuthing:
- Staying_In_Touch: "Maybe this is a tease, and you're launching queenalpo.com?!"
- Jasindia: "otherwise-- she wouldn't say "stay tuned"..."
...and even your karmic attribution to the divine:
- cariocgl: See, even God had to protest. Of course He's too all-powerful and
mighty to leave an insignificant little comment on her blog. But I know
He objects because there's evidence all around me...
SNOW After the Facebook thing, did anyone notice how the temps took a
nosedive? And today? Snow (plus sleet and freezing rain - thanks a
lot, Alli). Trust THE BIG GUY to use the something that makes Alpo crabbier than Sebastian trying to keep tabs on Ariel.
*ahem*
As much fun as I had torturing you guys and squeezing out every last drop of ego-feeding goodness, I did eventually decide to have some mercy. You're invited to my new online home at www.queenalpo.com. I'm still redecorating, but if you don't mind the mess, come on over.
I miss you.
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| Elton John seems appropriate now:
 "Back to the howling old owl in the woods
Hunting the horny back toad
Oh I've finally decided my future lies
Beyond the yellow brick road
"What do you think you'll do then
I bet that'll shoot down your plane
It'll take you a couple of vodka and tonics
To set you on your feet again
"Maybe you'll get a replacement
There's plenty like me to be found
Mongrels who ain't got a penny
Sniffing for tidbits like you on the ground"
How's that for megalomania? Cleansing, cleansing... 
Stay tuned.
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And this... (imagine a tour guide gesturing dramatically to the room behind the velvet rope) ... is the infamous torture chamber in Kasa Kaftan. No flash photography, please. Souvenirs are available at the gift shop at the end of the tour.
Victims have been bludgeoned in the back of the head by a mysterious and evilly-placed bicycle handlebar while unloading the washer on the left. One victim, who chose to remain anonymous, claims she has a semi-permanent technicolor bruise on the base of her skull. Each week she adds a new layer of color to this bruise, thus rendering her eligible for a clandestine study on unneccessary domestic abuse by some white-coats over at the NIH. The victim also tells of being forced to suffer aforementioned bashing in front of an audience; the ignorant (and shorter) bike-riding audience then heckles her with comments about perceived stupidity and klutziness. The anonymous victim is also on a long waiting list for psychiatric services as a result of said heckling.
Moving over to the right, notice the location of the dryer door, when open, relative to the edge of what certain occupants of Kasa Kaftan call a "workbench." Victims of this torture chamber also suffer whacking here of a most horrific kind: simultaneous knee-jabs and back-pokes. The instigators of this kind of abuse have yet to be found, despite an ongoing investigation.
Last, but certainly not least: the insidious clothes-snatching gap between the far-right wall and the dryer. Items such as freshly laundered and folded blankets or sheets on top of the dryer will inexplicably begin a slow slide toward the gap, no matter how far over to the left they've been carefully placed. This slide begins at an imperceptible speed, accelerating to the speed of light only once a victim has spotted the miniscule motion. The victim, who has undoubtedly experienced this more than once, is unable to resist the inbred compulsion to go blanket-chasing. This is most unfortunate, since her dash to make a futile grab results in a heavy steel-tempered wallop to the chin by the edge of the dryer. In addition, mysterious forces have conspired to position this wallop squarely at the painful apex of an emerging Mount Zit on victim's chin. This victim, I must remind you, has chosen to remain anonymous. Whoever you think it is, it isn't. Okay?
Okay.
Now, moving on. Next stop, the Hall of Cobwebbed Mysteries.
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I did it.
I quit facebook.
I even deleted it from my bookmarks folder.
I'm so proud of myself.
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